How To Use Your Voice To Express and Protect Your Identity

Your Voice Comes From Who You Are and Who You Are Not. It Grows Out of Your Identity, Out Your Own Unique Brand.

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Carlos’s Story — Speaking Up Why? A Simple yet Profound Question

Carlos works in the hotel and leisure industry. He is quite an easy-going person, gets on well with people and is a good team player. Some time ago Blair joined his team, and from the very beginning she just did not gel with Carlos. It was actually more than not gelling: she seemed to go out of her way to be uncooperative, and was openly critical of any ideas Carlos put forward at meetings. He found her disrespectful and difficult to work with.

He tried to get on with his work by interacting with her as little as he needed to. But it was a small team, and being the hotel and leisure industry he spent long hours in his job, which meant long hours in her company. It soon came to a head and he knew he had to do something about it.

One day when they were alone, he asked her, “Why?” Blair stopped what she was doing and with obvious irritation asked, “What do you mean ‘Why?’ Why what?” Carlos answered, “Why do you behave in the way you do towards me?” “What are you talking about?” she snapped. Carlos answered, “Why do you behave in the way you do towards me? I get a sense you’re irritated by me, as you seem to be now. I’m not sure if it’s something I’ve done or said, but it would help to know, because then perhaps we could find a way of working together. Our work means we spend a lot of time in each other’s company, and I think it’s important we try to make this work, not just for us but for the morale of the team.”

Now Blair did not suddenly open up her heart to Carlos, she did not offer an explanation or apologise for her behaviour, she actually did not say anything. Maybe she did not know what to say, who knows. Even so Carlos was glad he had addressed the matter. It was a brief interaction, and he felt he had handled it in a professional way; and more importantly, he got it out in the open by letting her know her behaviour was unacceptable to him, and that he was willing to find a way to work together.

Although Blair did not respond initially to Carlos, her behaviour towards him did change. She was not so critical of his ideas, and they began to work together in a more cooperative way. While I do not think they will ever be the best of friends, they are actually getting on OK.

The situation Carlos found himself in is not so unusual, and it is one I hear in some shape or form time and time again in conversations with people. Some people will think: “Well I’ll put up with this person or situation while I’m in work, and then I can put it out of my mind once I’m outside of work.” The thing is we spend so much time in our work that it is not always possible or indeed good for our health and well-being.

Working with someone who has a demotivating impact on an individual or team can ruin morale, and it is important not to let a bad situation fester. I think by asking the simple question “Why?” we can open up an awareness to there being a problem, and get the message across that it is not acceptable, and that something needs to change. All of this from one simple question is quite profound, I think.

Develop Your WorkLife Story

This is your WorkLife. You get to decide who you want to be part of that. You have the power to shape the characters in your story through your voice, through what you say, and through what you do not say. Words are powerful, and so is subtext. You also have the power to write people out of your story.

Your Speaking Up Story Assignment

Do you have a story of when you needed to speak up to protect your identity and did?

What was the situation?

What led you to knowing you had to speak up?

What did you say?

How did it go?

What was the outcome?

Are you glad you spoke up?

In hindsight, is there anything you could have, should have, would have done differently?

What did you learn from this?

This story is one of the stories featured in my book: How To Use Your Voice To Express and Protect Your Identity. From The School Of WorkLife Book Series.

If you enjoyed this, please hit the *Clap* 👏 button as many times as you wish.

The stories I write are based on real WorkLife challenges, obstacles and successes. In some stories I share my own experiences, and with permission stories of people I’ve worked with, whose names have been changed to protect their anonymity. Other persons and companies portrayed in the stories are not based on real people or entities.

Interviews #3 The Closing: Do You Have Any Questions You Would Like To Ask?

The Closing — Creating a Positive Lasting Impression — The Art of Good Questions

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“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.” Voltaire

Asking a genuine question allows you to convey something you haven’t already brought up. For example: “According to your quarterly report, your revenues grew by 20%. What was that attributed to?

You bring value to yourself through the questions you ask — but only if they are good questions. The best questions provide insight for all parties concerned.

Examples of good closing interview questions to create a positive lasting impression:

1. What are the top priorities in your business at the moment?
2. What challenges do you envisage in making this happen?
3. If we were to work together on this, what are the top two or three outcomes you would like to see?

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Where Do You See Yourself In Five Years?

It Can Be Difficult In Today’s Economy to Know Where You’re Going to Be In the Next Five Months, Let Alone the Next Five Years!

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What do you say when you’re asked that ever-recurring and somewhat annoying question: “Where do you see yourself in five years?” We’ve come to expect it at interviews, but what if it comes up in conversation at a networking event or a cocktail party?

It can be difficult in today’s economy to know where you’re going to be in the next five months, let alone the next five years and even if you do know, it’s a challenge to communicate your worklife goal, and if it comes up in a social setting, it’s up there in the annoying category of questions along with ‘What do you do?’

Is our worklife really defining us? And is that such a bad thing anyway? I suppose not if it’s deemed to be interesting, but what if you find your work uninspiring and you’re not motivated to talk about it.

And just how honest can you be? What if your five-year plan is to be semi-retired and living in the south of France with a little consultancy work to keep your hand in, and your real goal is to spend the next five years building a good network of contacts to facilitate this. Hmmm, perhaps it might not be such a good idea being completely honest in this instance, or you might be suspected of intending to run off with the company clients!

However, all that said, sometimes it does pay to be honest. For example, take a person working in the operations department of an Investment Bank. She’s finding the work completely mundane and goes nowhere to fulfil her creative spirit. Does she share this at appraisal time?

This did actually happen to Moira, and she choose to share in the knowledge that it could be the beginning of the end in terms of her career– but no, her faith in humankind was completely redeemed, if not blown out of the water when her manager suggested setting up a meeting with the head of Marketing and long story short she’s now planning a side step within her organisation. They’re even funding some of her training.

I expect now more than ever; organisations want to keep their good people, and giving them what they want will instil loyalty — the old adage of by giving you’ll receive eh!

It’s also worth noting if you are considering a change into something new and you can effect that change within an organisation where you’re known and respected, it’s a lot easier than getting your foot in another door.

And the moral of the story, well, I guess honesty can be rewarded, and it may even be the best policy!

I first shared this story some years ago on my original, now-defunct blog: Evolving Careers. I’m sharing it again because I believe it’s as relevant today, and it was all those years ago.

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How To Build Your True Personal Brand Identity

Your True Personal Brand Identity Is Who You Are and The Characteristics That Define You. Today’s Stories Look at This From the Outside In

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Joan and Lila’s Stories: Headscarves and Tutus

Joan was preparing for the interview stages of a significant progressive career change. When she was selecting the clothes she would wear for the various stages of the process she met with a personal dresser who said she has never failed in dressing a client for success at interviews.

She went on to say that she was fascinated by identity, fascinated by how people, organisations and communities express who they are, and that clothes played an important role in designing their brand identity. She said that it was about more than clothes: it was about cultural statements, tribes, businesses, individuals and who we are or who we think we are.

The interviews were representative of the very different work environments across the world, where Joan’s work would take her: from a multi-cultural and community-relations perspective. She needed and wanted to be respectful of this, and wearing headscarves was part of this. She wanted to do this while retaining her own style, identity, personality and uniqueness. Joan’s dresser was true to her word, in helping her to Dress For Success in securing the role.

Lila’s Story:

Lila wore a pink tutu to her interview. It matched her pink hair. She also considered it her lucky colour, and it brought her luck that day, as she got the job. The role was within the design industry.

Lila brought an element of surprise and unpredictability to her WorkLife (in a good way). She redefined what is appropriate and goes by her own rules. Her unique style plays an important role in her life, using it to tell her story. Her character shines through in how she presents herself.

Alexander Isley — a graphic designer, whose work and thinking I admire and respect — shares a different perspective to mine on Lila’s Dress To Impress success story. He believes that people should be able to demonstrate their creativity, nonconformity and ability to think outside the box, through their work, conversation and within their personality.

This reminded me of actors in training. Many schools require them to wear blacks throughout their training, usually T-shirts and pants, clothes that are comfortable to move and work in. Long hair has to be tied back, and no make-up or jewellery (apart from wedding bands) can be worn. The purpose is to allow everyone to begin from the same place: a blank, or rather black, canvas, from which to build. Where the perception of their own characters and the characters they are creating are not affected by their clothing.

Interestingly I read an article by Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of Vogue, who said when interviewing people she wants to know what they have read, the films they are interested in, and why they want to be at Vogue. She is more interested in finding out who they are more deeply, than anything they have put on to wear that morning. She said it is more important to be honest about who you are, than concerned about surface appearances. The advice she gave was ‘Be Yourself’.

Develop Your WorkLife Story

Being Different and Being the Same

Deep down each of us is different and deep down all of us are the same — we all want to feel we are unique, and we all want to feel we are part of something that is bigger than ourselves. When I was a teenager, I wore both Levi 501s and Wrangler jeans. This made me feel unique, and also that I was part of something that was bigger than myself. It resolved two things: it made me feel I was a non-conformist person; and it also made me feel I was part of a movement (more of Alexander Isley’s thinking which resonates with me).

Understanding Who You Are from the Outside In Assignment

Questions to Ask Yourself:

Is there anything about my clothes or image that gives an insight into my personality?

Do my clothes or image allow me to express myself in any way?

How am I different?

How am I the same?

There are no good or bad ways of dressing. From minimalist through to flamboyant, it is about honouring and respecting who you are, it is about being you, it is about expressing yourself, and letting your personality and uniqueness shine through.

This story is one of the stories featured in my book: How To Build Your True Personal Brand Identity. From The School Of WorkLife Book Series.

If you enjoyed this, please hit the *Clap* 👏 button as many times as you wish.

The stories I write are based on real WorkLife challenges, obstacles and successes. In some stories I share my own experiences, and with permission stories of people I’ve worked with, whose names have been changed to protect their anonymity. Other persons and companies portrayed in the stories are not based on real people or entities.

Interviews #2 The Middle Questions: Your Cue To Tell Your Story

The Middle — Brainstorm Experiences and Adapt to Fit the Questions — Three “PAR” Anecdotes

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“Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it.” Hannah Arendt

Your interviews are as memorable as the stories you share. Many people have fascinating experiences but forget them when they’re on the spot.

To remedy this, review the key skills, attributes and experiences needed for the role.

Consider questions that are likely to uncover these.

Then have Three Anecdotes ready for each and base them on the following simple “PAR” format:

1. Problem — What was the situation?
2. Action — What did you do to solve it?
3. Result — What changed afterwards?

With this format and your power of ‘Three’, you can adapt your “PAR” Anecdotes to fit a variety of questions.

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Interviews #1 The Opening Question: Tell Me About Yourself

The Opening — Setting the Scene — Three Steps to Crafting Your Inspiring Story

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“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde.

Many interviews will start with the same prompt “Tell me about yourself.”

Standard responses are along the lines of: “I studied (Major X) because I really wanted to make a difference in (Industry Y) and as you can see from my CV through my last job at (Company Z) I …

To move beyond this standard response to stand out from the crowd from the outset, you need to craft “Your Inspiring Story” to show who you are as a person, not just a professional. To give meaning to what you will bring to the role and organisation.

The way your WorkLife has evolved, the things you’ve learned, your achievements, failures, dreams — these things are unique to you and make you more interesting than you perhaps realise.

A good story is not a replication of your CV or LinkedIn profile. You need to go beyond that.

Three Steps to Crafting Your Story:

Step 1: Take an inventory of the chapters of your life — turning points that shaped who you are — what you learned, accomplished and experienced.

Step 2: Focus on memorable “aha” moments — vivid dimensions, so people experience that moment with you.

Step 3: Uncover the themes in your story — what emerges as your passion — mentoring, research, relationship building, advancing knowledge …

I first shared this story some years ago on my now defunct blog: Evolving Careers Players.

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How to Use Poetry to Communicate In a Way That Connects With Your Audience

Poetry Connects With Your Voice Because It Connects Your Head to Your Heart. This Is Key to Connecting With Your Audience

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Poetry is a unique and dynamic way of getting back to the vocal pathway of instinctive expression through simple, practical actions that can empower you with the ability to communicate in a way that connects with your audience. Great communicators have always known the elemental role of communicating is connecting with their audience.

But are great communicators born with those inherent skills, or is it necessary to practice and develop techniques? The age-old nature versus nurture argument around trusting nature and acting by instinct as opposed to precision techniques and clear understanding to liberate hidden possibilities to learn the hard task of being true to the instinct of the moment.

The late Cicely Berry (renowned for her work as voice coach and director of the RSC) based her work on the conviction that while all is present in nature, our natural instincts have been crippled from birth by many external influences and society at large. She said: “That while there is no one right way to speak, there are a million wrong ways that constipate feeling, constrict activity, blunt expression, level out idiosyncrasy, generalise experience, and coarsen intimacy.”

So the work is about setting the voice free because life in the voice springs from emotion, and speaking is part of a whole: an expression of inner life and awakening deep experiences which are seldom evoked in everyday speech.

The voice is the means by which, in everyday life, you communicate, and through, of course, how you present yourself — while your posture, movement, dress and involuntary gesture — gives an impression of your personality, it is your voice, and the words you use that convey your precise thoughts and feelings.

Poetry in voice is an exciting way to explore moods in tone and voice to tell an emotional story and build confidence to speak in a way that connects more deeply with your audience. Poetry presents a wide range of learning opportunities to include:

Offering examples of mastery of language and stocking the mind with images and ideas expressed in unforgettable words and phrases;

Training and developing emotional intelligence;

Reminding us that language is holistic and that how something is said is part of what is being said: the literal meaning of words is only part of their whole meaning, which is also expressed through tone of voice, inflection, rhythm.

An Assignment To Help You Understand Poetry and the Poet:

1. Find passages in poems that you find striking or memorable;

2. Research when the poet wrote the poem and under what circumstances;

3. Read the poem over and over; this will help you to see more in the poem than you did at first reading;

4. Try to feel the emotions behind the poem: sad, happy, exciting, anxious etc. let it sink in your mind and your heart;

5. Try reading the poem from the poet’s eye and try to pick out key lines that express the poet’s message that they’re trying to get across and put yourself in their shoes.

A wonderful example is this short excerpt from The Ballad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde in which he poignantly contrasts the beauty and appreciation of everyday life and activities in the face of looming death:

“I never saw sad men who looked

With such a wistful eye

Upon that little tent of blue

We prisoners called the sky,

And at every careless cloud that passed

In happy freedom by.” The Ballad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde.

An Assignment To Help You Understand How You Can Use The Principles of Poetry in your Communication To Connect With Your Audience

1. Consider what mood is evoked in the poem that you find striking or memorable;

2. Consider how this is accomplished;

3. Consider the ways in which not only the meaning of words but also their sound and the poem’s rhythms help to create its mood:

4. Imagine situations in which those passages might be put to use, whether to console, encourage, taunt, flatter, or otherwise make an impact on the listener;

5. Write a short story, letter, or talk in which at least three passages can be quoted effectively to move another character or the listener/recipient;

6. Speak the words aloud, listen to the sound, like music, feel the rhythm and flow.

Remember, poetry is meant to talk about heart and feeling and uses language in an unusual way and may use unusual words. Savour this.

Poetry goes further than connecting with your voice because it connects your head to your heart. It’s a unique and dynamic way of getting back to the vocal pathway of instinctive expression through simple, practical actions that can empower you with the ability to communicate in a way that resonates with your audience.

Thoughts and lessons in this story have been adapted from and inspired by the work of Cecily Berry and Living Poetry /Poetry in Voice.

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